Many of my loyal fans have asked me what I'm going to do now that the tree sitters have given up their quest for... whatever it was that they wanted, and my only response has been to say that "wherever stupid hippies doing ridiculous things go, so shall Lil Sofs go." I didn't know when and where they would strike next, but I had a feeling it might have to do with PETA, and (as always) I was right. Take a look at the article below.
http://www.wptz.com/news/17539127/detail.html
Yes, you read that correctly. The hippies are proposing that Ben & Jerry's replace the cow's milk in ice cream - of which, remarkably, there is a lot in ice cream - with BREAST MILK. Like from human nipples. It makes mine hurt just to think about it. They list all sorts of reasons why people shouldn't drink dairy, like it hurts baby boy calves and causes diabetes and stuff, but you could say that about most things in life, right? Bottom line is, milk is delicious and creamy and hits the spot when you need a little refreshment with your chocolate cupcakes or CheezIts. From what I've gleaned about breast milk through the observation of female family members, breast milk is watery, unpredictable, and pretty unappealing taste-wise to anyone over the age of 2.
For my Cherry Garcia and Wavy Gravy, I think it's pretty crucial that Ben & Jerry's employ traditional creamery ingredients in their recipes for delicious coldness. The idea of drinking some unidentified woman's lactose makes me want to throw up a little. And to be honest, I know it's just the social taboo that grosses me out so much, and that yes, I am a human being, so yes, it would make sense to drink human milk versus cow milk. After all, who was the first person to look at a cow's udders and be like "I know! I'll squeeze these, and then drink whatever comes out, and everything will be FINE"? But for reals, there's just too much weirdness surrounding the issue. My dumbass ex-boyfriend and his dumbass best friend decided once that they should get a company together to market and sell breast milk. Their idea was to "support single moms" which is college boy code for "hopefully see some MILF boobies" and to carve out a little niche in the fetishism market. But even these two dumbasses abandoned this idea (though not before a detailed marketing plan and an initial investment into a personal ad recruiting "hot young moms eager to make a quick buck" on Craigslist, which did not render the right kind of applicants) because when they thought about it, they realized that the only people who might buy breast milk would either be dumbass college boys like themselves, who would thus have no money, or weird sex perverts who might be pedophiles too, or who at the very least have major mommy issues that they didn't want to foster.
Bottom line: teats = good, tits = not so much.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/09/22/BAUB131HLG.DTL
Well, it's nice to see that the UC does indeed have a sense of humor. This article indicates that they are mad as hell, and not gonna take it anymore. Guess who's going to have to pay the university upwards of $10,000 each? That's right, kids, everyone's favorite tree sitters!
It's kind of sad to think that these people (obviously unemployed, because if you had a job, you could hardly afford to up and go live in a tree for a year) might have to go into debt to pay off the cost of living in said tree. And by sad I mean HILARIOUS. I hope that teaches them some sort of lesson - fuck with capitalism, and capitalism will fuck with you right back. Ah, sweet sweet irony.
Perhaps they could ask their supporters to send around a coffee can for donations from the crowd - which they did for bail money for the final four tree sitters on the day they came dow. I had a bobby pin and a receipt for two coronas at a club in SF in my pocket which I surreptitiously slipped in the can when the girl holding it was picking dirt out of her dreads. It made me happy.
The best part is that they are going to try and track down ALL the dirty hippies that were living in the trees - 15 to 20 of them. Don't they know the exact number? Oh wait, some refused to give their real names so perhaps there were some repeats in there. Did I tell you that SHEM was the same as FRESH, the guy who was living in a tree in the middle of Cal in a separate tree sit in March before he came down voluntarily? That kind of pisses me off... like pick one hippie name and stick with it. Like your convictions. If you had them.
Well, it's nice to see that the UC does indeed have a sense of humor. This article indicates that they are mad as hell, and not gonna take it anymore. Guess who's going to have to pay the university upwards of $10,000 each? That's right, kids, everyone's favorite tree sitters!
It's kind of sad to think that these people (obviously unemployed, because if you had a job, you could hardly afford to up and go live in a tree for a year) might have to go into debt to pay off the cost of living in said tree. And by sad I mean HILARIOUS. I hope that teaches them some sort of lesson - fuck with capitalism, and capitalism will fuck with you right back. Ah, sweet sweet irony.
Perhaps they could ask their supporters to send around a coffee can for donations from the crowd - which they did for bail money for the final four tree sitters on the day they came dow. I had a bobby pin and a receipt for two coronas at a club in SF in my pocket which I surreptitiously slipped in the can when the girl holding it was picking dirt out of her dreads. It made me happy.
The best part is that they are going to try and track down ALL the dirty hippies that were living in the trees - 15 to 20 of them. Don't they know the exact number? Oh wait, some refused to give their real names so perhaps there were some repeats in there. Did I tell you that SHEM was the same as FRESH, the guy who was living in a tree in the middle of Cal in a separate tree sit in March before he came down voluntarily? That kind of pisses me off... like pick one hippie name and stick with it. Like your convictions. If you had them.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Ernesto
I was initially kind of disappointed that Ernesto didn't go by a nickname, until I learned that his real name is Todd. Todd Mitchell Smith. He told me (during an in depth exclusive interview one on one from the Alameda County Jail) that he chose Ernesto because "it really captures the essence of the spirit of struggle that resides within me" and he got pretty offended when I "accidentally" called him Todd. I bet he was sooooo pissed when he realized how lame of a name he had compared to his fellow tree brethren.
So, Ernesto was born in Chula Vista, Ca. His father sold timeshares, his mother worked on and off as a school secretary. You could not have had a more middle of the road, middle class childhood. His parents shared a love of Mexican food and the San Diego Chargers, and some of young Todd's first memories are of being awakened before dawn on Sunday mornings to load up the family minivan and head to the stadium on game days. As a result, Todd resented football from a very early age.
While attending the local public high school, Todd developed a passionate crush on a girl named Veronica, a vegetarian. As a result, Todd became a vegetarian himself as he devoted himself to learning anything/everything about the environment and PETA, Veronica's two passions. While he could never fully get her to commit (she was hot enough not to have to date him) she did let him do her after prom their senior year. After all, they were friends. Veronica got into Cal, which is what brought Ernesto (albeit years later) to Berkeley.
For awhile, Todd bummed around the Cal State Dominguez Hills scene, taking enough classes to get a degree within three years, although he never filed the paperwork to graduate. He figured that would annoy his "disturbingly uninteresting" parents. To be honest, they were just sad they didn't raise a Chargers fan.
After college, Todd took the money he'd saved working at the local Red Lobster throughout college and decided to travel around the US with his buddy Leonard (hippie name: Leapfrog) in the only family minivan. They decided after a trip to Seattle to stop by and meet up with Veronica who was, Todd discovered, much less hot after high school.
To make a long story short, Veronica had gotten involved with a lot of anarchists on campus, and one of their members was friends with Runningwolf (he's a whole nother story, wikipedia him some time to get some wack-ass quotes) who taught them about the tree sitting situation. Ernesto, as he decided to be called, felt a calling immediately, and was one of the first wave of tree sitters up in the trees and as we saw today, the last one out.
Ernesto found it relatively easy living in the trees. Because of the multitude of tailgating parties he attended as a child and a sulky adolescent, he was very proficient at peeing in an empty soda bottle in close quarters. He felt a grandiose sense of self importance because of the whole "doing something good for the environment and for the Native American spirits buried under the beautiful oak grove" and he is pretty sure, he confided in me, that Veronica will let him do her again after his grandparents post his bail.
Viva Ernesto, nee Todd!
So, Ernesto was born in Chula Vista, Ca. His father sold timeshares, his mother worked on and off as a school secretary. You could not have had a more middle of the road, middle class childhood. His parents shared a love of Mexican food and the San Diego Chargers, and some of young Todd's first memories are of being awakened before dawn on Sunday mornings to load up the family minivan and head to the stadium on game days. As a result, Todd resented football from a very early age.
While attending the local public high school, Todd developed a passionate crush on a girl named Veronica, a vegetarian. As a result, Todd became a vegetarian himself as he devoted himself to learning anything/everything about the environment and PETA, Veronica's two passions. While he could never fully get her to commit (she was hot enough not to have to date him) she did let him do her after prom their senior year. After all, they were friends. Veronica got into Cal, which is what brought Ernesto (albeit years later) to Berkeley.
For awhile, Todd bummed around the Cal State Dominguez Hills scene, taking enough classes to get a degree within three years, although he never filed the paperwork to graduate. He figured that would annoy his "disturbingly uninteresting" parents. To be honest, they were just sad they didn't raise a Chargers fan.
After college, Todd took the money he'd saved working at the local Red Lobster throughout college and decided to travel around the US with his buddy Leonard (hippie name: Leapfrog) in the only family minivan. They decided after a trip to Seattle to stop by and meet up with Veronica who was, Todd discovered, much less hot after high school.
To make a long story short, Veronica had gotten involved with a lot of anarchists on campus, and one of their members was friends with Runningwolf (he's a whole nother story, wikipedia him some time to get some wack-ass quotes) who taught them about the tree sitting situation. Ernesto, as he decided to be called, felt a calling immediately, and was one of the first wave of tree sitters up in the trees and as we saw today, the last one out.
Ernesto found it relatively easy living in the trees. Because of the multitude of tailgating parties he attended as a child and a sulky adolescent, he was very proficient at peeing in an empty soda bottle in close quarters. He felt a grandiose sense of self importance because of the whole "doing something good for the environment and for the Native American spirits buried under the beautiful oak grove" and he is pretty sure, he confided in me, that Veronica will let him do her again after his grandparents post his bail.
Viva Ernesto, nee Todd!
I fucking love Berkeley, Part Deux
Hello again!
Okay, so when I returned, I decided to get up close and personal, and took myself to the median of Piedmont Ave, which is as close as the police line would allow anyone. I would say here, it was about half and half hippies and anti-tree sitters. I could tell a was behind a pro-treer, but he was super nice because I accidentally bumped into him when I was bending over trying to get a look at the scaffold going up around the tree, and he let me move in front of him!!! so see, hippies aren't all that bad. I got back there just in time, because the scaffold was only a mere foot below the main platform that the sitters occupied. They got right up under it, and then built a platform right below the sitters' one. This took about another hour or so, and once they had a secure platform built, they started pulling the tree sitters' shit down and tossing it over, which led to cheers from the crowd. The sitters themselves were all clustered at the verrrrrry tip of the tree, and it was kinda scary too! Like, they have this little bucket thing at the very top (apparently they call it the crow's nest) and it's barely big enough for one person and HELLUV scary looking, but there were two guys in it and two hanging on to the tree right below them. Also, the crane holding the police chief et al. was also still circling.
So these guys are building this scaffolding around it, which was pretty crazy, and they were all wearing these white suits. I commented to my neighbor that I felt like that was a pretty bold choice, what with the propensity of the sitters to throw urine etc on anyone coming within range, but he told me they were wearing Tyvex suits for that very reason! Good job, guys. Can you imagine how pissed (pun intended) you would be if some fucking vegetarian threw his poop on you???? By the way, as they were pulling the stuff down, someone was like "what are they doing" and this other guy was like "oh just pulling all their junk down before they go get them" and some dumb bitch behind us was all "you know that's their personal belongings, show some respect, it's not just junk, yadda yadda yadda I'm so entitled to say this shit because I really and truly CARE about the environment even though I'm really ugly" and there was ALMOST a fight. I had to turn around so she would see me laughing at her, cause she was kinda big and I bet she could have put a hurt on Lil Sofs.
So THEN I hear some sobbing, and I turned around and this woman, sporting a native american type top and tons of pins and a fucking MULLET was leaning her head on some guy's shoulder and crying and moaning and literally saying things like "it's just so hard seeing it happen like this" while she looked douchey.
UPDATE: I can hear sirens. I'm in my office about 200 yards away, so maybe the ground protest got out of hand after I left?
Okay, so meanwhile the scaffolding is complete, and obviously somethings about to happen. Then the loudspeaker starts going again and someone announces that....
"GREETINGS TO ALL. OUR FOUR REMAINING HEROES IN THE TREES ARE GIVING UP THEIR PROTEST. WE'VE DONE ALL WE CAN, AND THEY ARE AGREEING TO COME DOWN BECAUSE THE UNIVERSITY HAS AGREED TO START A COMMITTEE TO INVOLVED THE COMMUNITY IN ENVIRONMENTAL DECISIONS [don't hold your breath, losers] AND SINCE THEY ARE OBVIOUSLY BEING TERRORISTS BY FORCING OUR BROTHERS OUT OF THE TREES, WE WILL BE BRINGING THEM DOWN PEACEFULLY. WE ARE TAKING THE STREETS IN SUPPORT." The cops took down all the barricades and allowed us to mill about in the middle of the street. Press people were fighting each other for position, and I thought there might be a stampede for a sec, but there wasn't. However, Lil Sofs did manage to get front and center, right behind a cameraman for Channel 4 News and in front of an AP reporter. Since I maintain this blog, I thought it very fitting.
More tears, more yelling. Oh, by the way though, the loudest cheer from the crowd came when one of the arborists fired up his chainsaw for the first time. HELL YEAH MOTHERFUCKERS.
So one by one, the sitters moved down to the platform, where several cops were waiting to frisk them, handcuff them, and escort them away. Each time one did, the guy with the mike would lead a rousing chorus of "we love you, brother, we love you!!!!" and give a little personal note like "Huck has been saving these trees for over a year, we love you brother" before they were whisked out of sight. I highly recommend you check out the pictures, because it's kinda hard to describe the perch and the scaffolds and stuff.
So anyways, game over son. Hit the showers.
I'm sure I've forgotten some key details, so keep checking back. Oh - this is good: the guys who were up there were Shem, Huck (I believe this was the infamous Huckleberry), Ernesto, and Mando (perhaps short for Armando?). Good times.
Okay, so when I returned, I decided to get up close and personal, and took myself to the median of Piedmont Ave, which is as close as the police line would allow anyone. I would say here, it was about half and half hippies and anti-tree sitters. I could tell a was behind a pro-treer, but he was super nice because I accidentally bumped into him when I was bending over trying to get a look at the scaffold going up around the tree, and he let me move in front of him!!! so see, hippies aren't all that bad. I got back there just in time, because the scaffold was only a mere foot below the main platform that the sitters occupied. They got right up under it, and then built a platform right below the sitters' one. This took about another hour or so, and once they had a secure platform built, they started pulling the tree sitters' shit down and tossing it over, which led to cheers from the crowd. The sitters themselves were all clustered at the verrrrrry tip of the tree, and it was kinda scary too! Like, they have this little bucket thing at the very top (apparently they call it the crow's nest) and it's barely big enough for one person and HELLUV scary looking, but there were two guys in it and two hanging on to the tree right below them. Also, the crane holding the police chief et al. was also still circling.
So these guys are building this scaffolding around it, which was pretty crazy, and they were all wearing these white suits. I commented to my neighbor that I felt like that was a pretty bold choice, what with the propensity of the sitters to throw urine etc on anyone coming within range, but he told me they were wearing Tyvex suits for that very reason! Good job, guys. Can you imagine how pissed (pun intended) you would be if some fucking vegetarian threw his poop on you???? By the way, as they were pulling the stuff down, someone was like "what are they doing" and this other guy was like "oh just pulling all their junk down before they go get them" and some dumb bitch behind us was all "you know that's their personal belongings, show some respect, it's not just junk, yadda yadda yadda I'm so entitled to say this shit because I really and truly CARE about the environment even though I'm really ugly" and there was ALMOST a fight. I had to turn around so she would see me laughing at her, cause she was kinda big and I bet she could have put a hurt on Lil Sofs.
So THEN I hear some sobbing, and I turned around and this woman, sporting a native american type top and tons of pins and a fucking MULLET was leaning her head on some guy's shoulder and crying and moaning and literally saying things like "it's just so hard seeing it happen like this" while she looked douchey.
UPDATE: I can hear sirens. I'm in my office about 200 yards away, so maybe the ground protest got out of hand after I left?
Okay, so meanwhile the scaffolding is complete, and obviously somethings about to happen. Then the loudspeaker starts going again and someone announces that....
"GREETINGS TO ALL. OUR FOUR REMAINING HEROES IN THE TREES ARE GIVING UP THEIR PROTEST. WE'VE DONE ALL WE CAN, AND THEY ARE AGREEING TO COME DOWN BECAUSE THE UNIVERSITY HAS AGREED TO START A COMMITTEE TO INVOLVED THE COMMUNITY IN ENVIRONMENTAL DECISIONS [don't hold your breath, losers] AND SINCE THEY ARE OBVIOUSLY BEING TERRORISTS BY FORCING OUR BROTHERS OUT OF THE TREES, WE WILL BE BRINGING THEM DOWN PEACEFULLY. WE ARE TAKING THE STREETS IN SUPPORT." The cops took down all the barricades and allowed us to mill about in the middle of the street. Press people were fighting each other for position, and I thought there might be a stampede for a sec, but there wasn't. However, Lil Sofs did manage to get front and center, right behind a cameraman for Channel 4 News and in front of an AP reporter. Since I maintain this blog, I thought it very fitting.
More tears, more yelling. Oh, by the way though, the loudest cheer from the crowd came when one of the arborists fired up his chainsaw for the first time. HELL YEAH MOTHERFUCKERS.
So one by one, the sitters moved down to the platform, where several cops were waiting to frisk them, handcuff them, and escort them away. Each time one did, the guy with the mike would lead a rousing chorus of "we love you, brother, we love you!!!!" and give a little personal note like "Huck has been saving these trees for over a year, we love you brother" before they were whisked out of sight. I highly recommend you check out the pictures, because it's kinda hard to describe the perch and the scaffolds and stuff.
So anyways, game over son. Hit the showers.
I'm sure I've forgotten some key details, so keep checking back. Oh - this is good: the guys who were up there were Shem, Huck (I believe this was the infamous Huckleberry), Ernesto, and Mando (perhaps short for Armando?). Good times.
I fucking love Berkeley, Part Un
This morning I decided to take a little drive down Piedmont Avenue in Berkeley and check out the tree sitting situation, and it's a good thing I did because hot damn! some shit just went down. I had never seen so many people there, and I could feel the energy in the air, so I parked as close as I could and literally ran back there. The word was that the sitters were to be finally removed.
Okay, so first I was standing waaaaaay on the fringes of things, just with a couple other Cal students. I could tell they were students, not protestors, because they were wearing shoes, which none of the sitters or supporters felt were necessary. First impression of the people on the ground: LOUD. There was a fair amount of improvised drum banging, mainly on water jugs and buckets. Okay, so first they were chanting
Protect sacred sites!
Respect human rights!
UC Berkeley, do what's right!
It was then that a figure in black leggings, an orange skirt, and an orange scarf tied across her shoulders darted across the street and I realized that I was a mere SIX FEET from none other than Dumpster Muffin!! I actually recognized her from the outfit, which was the same one she was arrested in, and the same one she was wearing when she gave an interview to the Chronicle. It made me wonder if she either never showers or changes her clothes (most likely scenario) or if she has a special "protest outfit" that has just been called into use a lot lately. Anyhoo, she came over to help some of her fellow ground support team rile the crowd up a bit. Next, they handed the microphone over to a small Asian lady with a mohawk cut into her hair, who performed a nice version of
And everyone beneath their vine and fig tree
Shall live in peace and unafraid
And everyone beneath their vine and fig tree
Shall live in peace and unafraid
And into plowshares beat their swords
Nations shall make war no more...
for us all. HOWEVER, the tune she was singing was one that I happen to know was written by the cantor at Kehilla, my synagogue, so I had a pretty small world moment when I examined said mohawked Asian lady closer and was pretty sure I recognized her from temple. Good times.
Now, keep in mind that at this time, I was firmly ensconced in enemy territory - tree sitting supporters were ALL around me. The people yelling into the loudspeaker were urging "Wade" and "Victoria" to show compassion. "What compassion," the lady behind me complained bitterly, "the fucking UC has no compassion." I'm not sure who Wade is, but Victoria is Victoria Harrison, the chief of Cal police. Keep in mind that there were four cops SUSPENDED from a crane circling the sitters. Usually they go up in cherry pickers, but this was pretty hardcore, especially because it was WINDY today!! I thought maybe they were coming from the top in an effort to avoid being pelted with fecal matter? Anyhoo, they next turned the mike over to this guy that I recognized from all over Berkeley, a man who once freaked out on me for being on my cell phone in line OUTSIDE of the Cheese Board and who is known for standing in the middle of campus shrieking about students and their fucking cell phones and fucking cell towers destroying animal habitats and electromagnetic waves killing babies and shit, so I knew things were about to get interesting. Sure enough, his rant went something like this:
"UC BERKELEY IS COMMITTING A HATE CRIME RIGHT NOW. THEY ARE COMMITTING A HATE CRIME AGAINST THE OHLONE [local Indian tribe, one of the pro-tree arguments was that it was Indian burial ground] PEOPLE AND THEY ARE COMMITTING A HATE CRIME AGAINST THE WORLD'S OLDEST WORLD WAR ONE VETERAN [what the fuck? where did that come from?] WHO PERSONALLY CALLED THE UC AND BEGGED THEM TO SAVE THESE TREES, BUT SINCE THE UNIVERSITY IS IN CAHOOTS WITH BRITISH PETROLEUM [god knows where this one came from, but was hilar nonetheless] IN AN EFFORT TO SPREAD THEIR CAPITALISTIC ANTI ENVIRONMENTAL PLAN AGAINST THESE BEAUTIFUL TREES THEY DIDN'T LISTEN. PLEASE, VICTORIA, I BEG YOU TO STOP THIS MURDER OF THE TREES RIGHT NOW. AREN'T YOU A GOOD CHRISTIAN???? WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? [shit you not, he said that, to which crazy lady behind me said "or what would the goddess do?"] THInk ABOUT YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND YOUR CHILDREN, AND THE AIR YOU ARE DEPRIVING THEM OF IF YOU CUT THESE TREES DOWN. TO US, THESE TREES ARE OUR CHURCH. YOU ARE VIOLATING MY CHURCH [at this point the woman behind me mumbled to her cohort "I hate that word church. let's use "temple"] AND YOU ARE VIOLATING THE SACRED GROUND THAT THESE TREES ARE DEEPLY ROOTED IN...." I could go on, but you get the point.
Meanwhile, the construction crew hired by Cal was working on putting up a scaffolding, and the basket full of cops was still floating around. They were obviously communicating with the sitters, but to no avail. As the scaffolding continued higher, you could tell shit was about to come to a head. I had to go move my car, but don't worry, I went straight back. More to come momentarily...
Okay, so first I was standing waaaaaay on the fringes of things, just with a couple other Cal students. I could tell they were students, not protestors, because they were wearing shoes, which none of the sitters or supporters felt were necessary. First impression of the people on the ground: LOUD. There was a fair amount of improvised drum banging, mainly on water jugs and buckets. Okay, so first they were chanting
Protect sacred sites!
Respect human rights!
UC Berkeley, do what's right!
It was then that a figure in black leggings, an orange skirt, and an orange scarf tied across her shoulders darted across the street and I realized that I was a mere SIX FEET from none other than Dumpster Muffin!! I actually recognized her from the outfit, which was the same one she was arrested in, and the same one she was wearing when she gave an interview to the Chronicle. It made me wonder if she either never showers or changes her clothes (most likely scenario) or if she has a special "protest outfit" that has just been called into use a lot lately. Anyhoo, she came over to help some of her fellow ground support team rile the crowd up a bit. Next, they handed the microphone over to a small Asian lady with a mohawk cut into her hair, who performed a nice version of
And everyone beneath their vine and fig tree
Shall live in peace and unafraid
And everyone beneath their vine and fig tree
Shall live in peace and unafraid
And into plowshares beat their swords
Nations shall make war no more...
for us all. HOWEVER, the tune she was singing was one that I happen to know was written by the cantor at Kehilla, my synagogue, so I had a pretty small world moment when I examined said mohawked Asian lady closer and was pretty sure I recognized her from temple. Good times.
Now, keep in mind that at this time, I was firmly ensconced in enemy territory - tree sitting supporters were ALL around me. The people yelling into the loudspeaker were urging "Wade" and "Victoria" to show compassion. "What compassion," the lady behind me complained bitterly, "the fucking UC has no compassion." I'm not sure who Wade is, but Victoria is Victoria Harrison, the chief of Cal police. Keep in mind that there were four cops SUSPENDED from a crane circling the sitters. Usually they go up in cherry pickers, but this was pretty hardcore, especially because it was WINDY today!! I thought maybe they were coming from the top in an effort to avoid being pelted with fecal matter? Anyhoo, they next turned the mike over to this guy that I recognized from all over Berkeley, a man who once freaked out on me for being on my cell phone in line OUTSIDE of the Cheese Board and who is known for standing in the middle of campus shrieking about students and their fucking cell phones and fucking cell towers destroying animal habitats and electromagnetic waves killing babies and shit, so I knew things were about to get interesting. Sure enough, his rant went something like this:
"UC BERKELEY IS COMMITTING A HATE CRIME RIGHT NOW. THEY ARE COMMITTING A HATE CRIME AGAINST THE OHLONE [local Indian tribe, one of the pro-tree arguments was that it was Indian burial ground] PEOPLE AND THEY ARE COMMITTING A HATE CRIME AGAINST THE WORLD'S OLDEST WORLD WAR ONE VETERAN [what the fuck? where did that come from?] WHO PERSONALLY CALLED THE UC AND BEGGED THEM TO SAVE THESE TREES, BUT SINCE THE UNIVERSITY IS IN CAHOOTS WITH BRITISH PETROLEUM [god knows where this one came from, but was hilar nonetheless] IN AN EFFORT TO SPREAD THEIR CAPITALISTIC ANTI ENVIRONMENTAL PLAN AGAINST THESE BEAUTIFUL TREES THEY DIDN'T LISTEN. PLEASE, VICTORIA, I BEG YOU TO STOP THIS MURDER OF THE TREES RIGHT NOW. AREN'T YOU A GOOD CHRISTIAN???? WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? [shit you not, he said that, to which crazy lady behind me said "or what would the goddess do?"] THInk ABOUT YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND YOUR CHILDREN, AND THE AIR YOU ARE DEPRIVING THEM OF IF YOU CUT THESE TREES DOWN. TO US, THESE TREES ARE OUR CHURCH. YOU ARE VIOLATING MY CHURCH [at this point the woman behind me mumbled to her cohort "I hate that word church. let's use "temple"] AND YOU ARE VIOLATING THE SACRED GROUND THAT THESE TREES ARE DEEPLY ROOTED IN...." I could go on, but you get the point.
Meanwhile, the construction crew hired by Cal was working on putting up a scaffolding, and the basket full of cops was still floating around. They were obviously communicating with the sitters, but to no avail. As the scaffolding continued higher, you could tell shit was about to come to a head. I had to go move my car, but don't worry, I went straight back. More to come momentarily...
Monday, September 8, 2008
Grandma is dying...
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/09/08/BA4A12PS83.DTL&tsp=1
So... big news! They have cut down all but two of the trees. The university finally said FUCK IT and decided to proceed. However, they are still unwilling to be the bad guys and actually pull the sitters out, so there is one lone tree stand in one lone tree. It was pretty pathetic looking. I decided to take a little drive around and check out the circus. Things I saw:
-Several news crews with their ambiguously ethnic reporters eagerly noting the hullaballoo and waving enthusiastically up towards the tree line.
-About 15 police officers guarding the fence, obviously wondering how (again) they ended up spending the past year and a half sitting for 8 hours a day guarding these morons and regretting ever joining the force.
-A lot more old people than I would have expected. And by old people, I mean Berkeley's particular brand of aging hippie. Several women in long organic cotton dresses, their graying hair loosely braided and tied with a length of hemp rope and a sheaf of flyers clutched to their Obama button adorned bosoms were looking rather dour as they glanced hopelessly into the trees. A lot of men in their fifties sporting backpacks and the same tshirt they've been wearing to protests/prayer circles for trees for closing in on fifty years....
- A PRAYER CIRCLE. Yes, there were actually a variety of hippies, young and old, all holding hands and chanting something. Not a big group, but still...
- A frat boy riding a bike who was SUPER HOT in that pretty preppy white boy way that I so adore... AND I think that by his expression, he was also thrilled to see the hippies get their comeuppance.
- Lots of angry looking young hippies. Really fucking pissed looking. Like the way they looked when they saw all the pictures of the prom they didn't go to because they don't believe in that sort of thing in the yearbook and all the rage they felt towards the popular kids who had been having fun and rubbing it in their faces ALL THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL while they themselves cared about SERIOUS issues and the environment and shit were laughing and, yet again, having a good time. Anywho, they just look really angry.
-Homeless people. They tend to show up when anything interesting in Berkeley is going down in public. They can usually make a fortune of the hippie tourists coming in from like Modesto and Stockton and shit.
-Lots of tractors and other construction related stuff in an empty field!! Because they cut the treeees down! All that's left, apparently, is the one they call Grandma (really? I mean, really?) and one other....
So some pretty big shit is happening. Keep checking back.
GO RAIDERS!!!!!!!
So... big news! They have cut down all but two of the trees. The university finally said FUCK IT and decided to proceed. However, they are still unwilling to be the bad guys and actually pull the sitters out, so there is one lone tree stand in one lone tree. It was pretty pathetic looking. I decided to take a little drive around and check out the circus. Things I saw:
-Several news crews with their ambiguously ethnic reporters eagerly noting the hullaballoo and waving enthusiastically up towards the tree line.
-About 15 police officers guarding the fence, obviously wondering how (again) they ended up spending the past year and a half sitting for 8 hours a day guarding these morons and regretting ever joining the force.
-A lot more old people than I would have expected. And by old people, I mean Berkeley's particular brand of aging hippie. Several women in long organic cotton dresses, their graying hair loosely braided and tied with a length of hemp rope and a sheaf of flyers clutched to their Obama button adorned bosoms were looking rather dour as they glanced hopelessly into the trees. A lot of men in their fifties sporting backpacks and the same tshirt they've been wearing to protests/prayer circles for trees for closing in on fifty years....
- A PRAYER CIRCLE. Yes, there were actually a variety of hippies, young and old, all holding hands and chanting something. Not a big group, but still...
- A frat boy riding a bike who was SUPER HOT in that pretty preppy white boy way that I so adore... AND I think that by his expression, he was also thrilled to see the hippies get their comeuppance.
- Lots of angry looking young hippies. Really fucking pissed looking. Like the way they looked when they saw all the pictures of the prom they didn't go to because they don't believe in that sort of thing in the yearbook and all the rage they felt towards the popular kids who had been having fun and rubbing it in their faces ALL THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL while they themselves cared about SERIOUS issues and the environment and shit were laughing and, yet again, having a good time. Anywho, they just look really angry.
-Homeless people. They tend to show up when anything interesting in Berkeley is going down in public. They can usually make a fortune of the hippie tourists coming in from like Modesto and Stockton and shit.
-Lots of tractors and other construction related stuff in an empty field!! Because they cut the treeees down! All that's left, apparently, is the one they call Grandma (really? I mean, really?) and one other....
So some pretty big shit is happening. Keep checking back.
GO RAIDERS!!!!!!!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
I'm going to die
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