It's Idol time!

If you're anything like me, you've been counting down the minutes to Idol season. No, I don't mean the overblown premiere in mid January, I mean the big reveal of the top 12 or 13, when I can start caring. There are too many curveballs to be thrown when all is in the hands of the judges, and there's just too much going on in the audition/Hollywood stages for me to follow it all. One quick note: tomorrow the bottom girl and bottom guy will be voted off - BY THE JUDGES. Something new! So last night was really the beginning of it all for me, here are my thoughts and predictions:

We started off with Jeremy, who the judges adored. They are always impressed by a gospel background, which he shows off in spades. I thought it was a good performance, maybe not as great as the judges (read: Jennifer) did, but he'll get through. Boring.

Next up was Elise, who I actually like a lot. She wanted to do The Greatest Love of All (it was Whitney night for the ladies, btws) but they made her do I'm Your Baby Tonight, which was defintiely the better choice for her. However, they judges didn't love it - I think they were slightly too harsh on her, but I agree that she didn't do too much to impress. She's in danger.

We got the "gentle giant" Jermaine (seriously, do we have to say that every fucking time???) and I was reminded of my initial confusion when he was chosen to sing for sport #25. Buuuut, as has been known to happen occasionally, I was proven wrong and I learned why such a monotonous voice and presence is actually pretty damn amazing sometimes. It must be really hard to sing like that - although that in and of itself shouldn't get someone through. He might be in the bottom 3 guys, not sure how many they'll do, but I'll be calling bottom 3 boys and girls, and then bottom 2 total, then a prediction. Getting bold tonight.

Next up was Erika Van Pelt, EVeeps in my book. She's a continual surprise - I wasn't blown away by her in auditions and top 24, and was surprised she was given a second chance, and surprised she was selected as the only female judges choice (not that they EVER favor women, but still... two guys again????). But, VERY OCCASIONALLY, something bizarre happens in my world - I am wrong! :) EVeeps did a great job on her power ballad and did Miss Whitney proud. Some other time we'll discuss if it was too soon for a Whitney tribute. Erika is safe.

Next up was, ugh, Colter. Colton? Whatever, I dislike this hipster on principle. I wish I could be more open minded, but I can't. And the judges adore him, wtf? ugh.

Poor, poor (although she kind of seems like a spoiled little rich girl or something) Shannon Magrane. Lesson #1 in Hollywood: never, ever, EVER try to sing Whitney Houston if you can't manage to sing even half as well as the greatest voice of our generation (yeah, I said it. you can go suck it if you don't agree). Ever. Especially I Have Nothing, which is one of her greatest vocal performances ("don't make me close one more door/I don't wanna hurt anymore" is a line that gives me chills to this day, even after listening to the tape of The Bodyguard 947 times with my twin sister in 1994) and should not EVER be tackled by a 16 year old volleyball player from Florida. Shannon, you're gorgeous, poised, and semi-talented, and you should know better. You could have done I Wanna Dance with Somebody. Or even My Love is Your Love. Maybe. Actually maybe not. Bottom 3, risky to come back. But never, ever forget about the army of blonde tween girls furiously voting for their Queen...

Deandre, Deandre, Deandre. Can I just say, as a fellow half-black person, how violently jealous I am of your blond, flowing tight curls? How did I end up with boring old brown loose curls that require half a bottle of spray gel to hold their shape for a few minutes and not your perfectly coiffed yet effortless looking tresses? Life is so fucking unfair sometimes. ....Oh, your singing? It was good, not great, but certainly good enough to, when combined with the hair envy I imagine half of America is feeling right now, propel you through.

Skylar: first off, I'll say that while I kind of hate the kind of music she sang last week and throughout her auditions (and by kind of hate I mean despise), she blew me away then and now. Tonight, she proved on Where Do Broken Hearts Go that she commands the stage just as strongly singing a sweet ballad as hopping around like Reba on crack. I fucking loved it. WINNER. There, I said it. Oh, and dear Randy: iffy? you're kidding me. Shame. You still claimed to love it but iffy? REALLY?

I freely admit I find Heejun hilariously adorable. I was kind of annoyed last week at Jimmy calling him a comedian and discounting his skills, because he blends them perfectly!! His signed photos to Jimmy and Mary J Blige (Mary, I love you more than Jimmy) had me cracking up! He missed a few notes on his song, but I forgive him, he's adorbs. I'm THRILLED that the judges liked him too! His voice is so smooth and sinful and SO BIZARRE coming out of his mouth that I'm predicting a dark horse.

Hollie! I love Hollie! Other than the bizarre accent (Texas meets Australia??? is it a lisp or something????) she power ballads like no other and she deserves to be on that stage. There was nothing particularly remarkable about her performance, but she'll have no problem getting through to next week.

Jeremy - I admit I waver on this kid. He kind of looks like a giant Manny from Modern Family with an unfortunate propensity for eyebrow-shaving. I definitely think he deserved a second chance last week, and he (kind of) deserved a judges' spot. I guess he did just by power of the JLo adoration factor. This week, she kind of looked in pain, not in the throes of orgasm, while he sang. But who knows, maybe that's her o-face, because I guess she liked it. To borrow from Randy's vernacular, I thought it was pitchy. Really pitchy. Pitchy enough to be in doubt, at least in the bottom 3 boys. PS have you noticed he hasn't said that word much?? Must be on warning from Nigel.

Ah, Jessica. You are GREAT. Shannon, this is how you have to sing if you want to try a Whitney classic. Jessica sang a crisp, clear, simple version of one of the best love songs of all time, and she blew it out of the water. Well, at least for the judges. At home, it was great, but I wouldn't say she's one of the best voices ever in the competition - it's way too early for that. I would say she's a clear front-runner, though. And deservedly so.

And finally, the worst-named contestant of all time, Phillip Phillips. What is this, 19th century Sweden? Anyhoo, the Superstition version he did was great, got me going, nice way to end, but this kid needs to stand out from the crowd ASAP or he's going to get lost. I don't mean as much musically as I mean personality wise. I don't think he's connecting much to people at home, so he needs to step out of his shell.

Ok, predictions.

Bottom 3 Girls: Shannon, Elise, Erika
Bottom 3 Boys: Colton, Jermaine, Phillip

Bottom 2: Shannon, Jermaine

Off: Shannon. Pretty much no doubt, especially because it's judges choice. Although I guess if somehow she pulls off the votes to not be the worst girl, she'd stay on? But she was the only "bad" performance of the night, I'll be disappointed in America if they don't see that.